Michi : 28-4-12 around 5pm

Have you ever waiting for someone who never know that he's the one that you wait? everytime, just wait there, pretend to be busy and feel every little second just like wait all day long. then he pass in front of you and know nothing about it, just go. What I've felt about that? I don't know, that feeling.. I think I can't figure it out yet, that's strange sad feeling.

 

Just why I use to wait him? for what reason that I'm willing to? I don't know that either. I just know that my heart make me stay there. Waiting outside, till he came up. Waiting alone and feel every little second, just like my heart beating.

 

Imagine his footstep come in, imagine his figure standing behind me, watch me. Imagine he wait me too, just imagine. But, I living and loving him in here, the reality one, not that fict-imagination of mine. So I'm waiting and he know nothing. It has to be.

When he walked away, wasn't aware that I was there watching him, I was counting every single of his footsteps leave me behind, and praying "God, please.. make him turn around and saw me here, make him turn around and give me a single smile just for me, just one for this time" but there's no answer. He just go, left me there. 

 

So just why I use to be waiting him, wanting to see him, when it's not enough for me? So, what's I need from him? just what's I wish him to be? just why I don't even know what I want.

I went home with this strange-sad-feeling. Not knowing what I'm gonna do to make me feel better. And made me lossing my appetite. He doesn't know, am I right?

 

In my head, there is this one single song from Taylor Swift that I'm singing since then. Cold As You. Michi, this song for you. Hope you'll know what I'm longing to tell to you.

 

You have a way of coming easily to me
And when you take, you take the very best of me
So I start a fight cause I need to feel something
And you do what you want cause I'm not what you wanted

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Just walk away, no use defending words that you will never say
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you

You put up walls and paint them all a shade of gray
And I stood there loving you and wished them all away
And you come away with a great little story
Of a mess of a dreamer with the nerve to adore you

You never did give a damn thing honey but I cried, cried for you
And I know you wouldn't have told nobody if I died, died for you
(Died for you)

Oh what a shame, what a rainy ending given to a perfect day
Every smile you fake is so condescending
Counting all the scars you made
And now that I'm sitting here thinking it through
I've never been anywhere cold as you